When I first thought about retiring, the obvious question was: What am I going to do when I retire? I thought about it for a few minutes, and my first idea was to have the childhood I missed out on because so much messed up stuff was happening. Even though that didn’t become the main thrust of my retirement, every month I try to take a day and do something that I might have done as a child, although perhaps updated a little. This are short little projects that aren’t worth a write up, but I thought I could write them up in batches of five. Here’s the first five, at least since I started my Icosipental Plan.
The Galaga Hack
Galaga has been a favorite video game of mine ever since it came out. So when I saw a mini video game machine at Costco that could play Galaga, I said what the hell, and bought one. That got me looking into the history of Galaga, and I found out a “bug” in the game. The story has it that the original programmer wanted to always be able to get the high score on any machine in an arcade. So in a particular situation he got a counter to not reset, and when it overflowed, the ships stop shooting at you. That makes it much easier to rack up lots of points.
So I played the first screen very carefully, leaving only two bees on the far left alive. The story said that you then need to play for 15 minutes or so without killing those two bees, and then they would stop shooting. I played for 25 minutes and they never stopped shooting, so I guess some manager decided they needed to “fix” the bug. Lame.
The Lego Millenium Falcon
I’ve played with Legos for as long as I can remember. I remember going out to Dart Drug with my dad, and if he felt he’d saved enough money, he’d ask me if I wanted some “leegos” to play with. I also remember playing with Legos with my friend Nancy growing up. She had a huge bag full of Legos. While it was probably only huge to a grade-schooler, I still remember it as being awesome.
So I got the Millennium Falcon set because it was obviously the best set to get, and I put it together. And I enjoyed putting it together. I’ve got some sublings that like Legos and I would text them a picture update every hour or so when I took a break.
The problem is that it only took an afternoon to do. I don’t thin the enjoyment I got out of it was worth what it cost. Recently I saw the Death Star Lego set, which looks incredible. It’s full of little dioramas of all the classic scenes that happened on the Death Star. You could have so much fun playing out all those scenes. And then I realized I never play with my Millennium Falcon, so the Death Star is probably not a wise purchase.
Play Board Games All Day
When I was a kid and there was a rainy day, or I felt it was a good idea to hide in my room, I would play board games against myself. These days I still play board games, just more modern, strategic board games that are designed with adults in mind.
So first I played two games of Vantage. This is a wild new board game where you play a team that has crash landed on an alien planet, and must complete a random mission. It’s got something like 1,400 cards representing 800 places you can go and 900 things you can get, aliens you can meet, and animals you can tame. I love it, and it’s really good for solo play. The first game I lost, but the second game I got what is called an “epic win,” where you complete the mission and a destiny.
Then I played a solo game of Terraforming Mars: The Dice Game. Unlike Vantage I had not played it before. Unfortunately, it was not as awesome as Vantage is, but I still thought it was a good day of playing games.
Skip School
When brainstorming things I used to do as a child, skipping school definitely came up. I remember when the city got an automated phone system that called your parents if you missed a day of school. It was great because you just had to make sure you were the one to answer the phone that night, and they were none the wiser. Of course, it’s kind of hard to skip school when you’re retired and don’t have to go to school any more.
But one thing we used to do when we skipped school in high school was go to Richmond and hang out with friend who had graduated and were now at VCU. So I decided to spontaneously take a day off from my projects and drive to Richmond to get my favorite pizza and wander around Carytown.
Unfortunately, six miles outside of town I got a low pressure warning on my tires. Checking the tire panel on the dashboard (which is way cool I gotta say), I noticed my rear passenger-side tire was at half pressure and dropping. I pulled off at the next exit, jacked up my car, and got out my cross wrench. I had gotten this cross wrench after having a tire blow out on my way home for Thanksgiving decades ago. I had been unable to get the tire off back then due to the garage using power tools and putting the lug nuts on too tight. Back then a helpful stranger came along with a cross wrench and helped me get the tire off and limp to an NTB on the mini-spare.
So I got the lug nuts off the tire (loosening them before jacking up, of course). But then the tire wouldn’t come off the axle. I looked it up on my phone, and apparently they can get stuck like that. Not having the suggested mallet for knocking it loose, I tried the alternative of lying on my back and kicking it with both feet to no avail. While lying there wondering why it had to be so damn hard to do something simple like change a tire, another helpful stranger drove up. While he didn’t have a mallet, with a folded up towel and a big hammer we were able to improvise one, and he knocked my tire loose without damaging my rims. I limped back home to NTB on the mini-spare.
I would like to note that this later helpful stranger was a Latino. Decent people come in all colors. This is not a lesson my childhood wanted to teach me, quite the opposite. But it is a lesson that I’m glad I managed to learn in spite of my childhood.
Had an Adventure
So there’s a path I walk on regularly to get pizza. It’s called the Old Mill Path. So I thought I would have an adventure on the Old Mill Path. I found an Adventure Stick on the forbidden path and went off to honor the Stones. I defeated two trolls, one by walking backwards and one by whacking the Adventure Stick left and right to keep it coming out from under a bridge. A third bridge had a Ghost Knight, which are really tricky because you can’t see them. It was a close battle, Adventure Stick vs. Ghost Blade, but I triumphed in the end. I saluted all the Wayfaring Posts (with my Adventure Stick, of course), and laid down on the Sacred Platform to view the sky. I used the Adventure Stick to cast several Spells of Growth, and one or two Spells of twirling. I offered it to the Fairy Queen at the first Wooden Throne I came upon. She rejected my offer, insisting that the quest was mine. I came to many other Wooden Thrones that day, and honored the Fairy Queen at each one. I also showed respect to the Earth Elemental of the Hill, and praise the Good Bridge (though I had to fight the Evil Bridge, again with the Adventure Stick). Finally, I gave repeated honor to the Long Wall that holds back Lord Mudd.
It was one hell of an adventure.